I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize