i think i have two assholes
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
