Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize