Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
