My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Panties = found
Randomize
