Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
