ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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