bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
