He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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