Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
