She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
