Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You are a genius and a whore.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
