as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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