You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
