OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
