I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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