You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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