Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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