I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
