just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
