I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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