have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize