Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
