my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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