is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
