Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
