guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
