guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
