He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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