Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize