if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
