fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
