idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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