I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
