if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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