I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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