just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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