Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize