i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
