Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
