I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
