threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
