So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
