summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
sex in a hospital.. check
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
