he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
