are you still at the devil's house?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
