he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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