Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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