atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
