my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
