i think i have two assholes
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize