The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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