Acid is not a monday night drug
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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