who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
