I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
lets start a swedish sibling band together
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
