Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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