Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize