i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I need moral support for this bender
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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