the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
They took my balls.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
