if you like me you must not know who I am
he shaved USA in his pubs
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Two words: blizzard sex
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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