smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
