I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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