I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
