the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
