Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
