Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
