if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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