so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
