What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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