Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize