I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
