Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
